Herald - Everett, Wash. - www.HeraldNet.
Published: Monday, March 12,
warming up to Al Gore's global hysteria
I'd been struggling with the problem of global warming for some time.
I'd listened to Al
Gore explain how we'd brought end times upon ourselves, that woe betides us all,
and that draconian changes are needed. Still, being it was Al Gore speaking, I
kept having this dim flicker of doubt.
I knew there was only
one person I could turn to for guidance.
I found Mudrock, my
personal muse, head down and about 700 pages into some
"What's that you're
for conversational brevity hadn't changed a bit since our last meeting. I knew I
was going to have to pry a bit more out of him.
"I know it's a book.
What's the title?"
"Rainbow Six. Tom
Clancy done wrote it."
"Bunch of wackos
wantin' to kill off most of mankind to make the world safe for purple-spotted
snail snatchers or some such - an' themselves, of
"Pretty good idea for
a book these days."
"Ha! But this time,
Lar, the wackos screwed up royal an' found themselves suckin'
"Well, I'm near to
the end here an' the good guys have the wackos stripped down to the altogether
an' are about to drop them off in their jungle paradise. Looks like they're
'bout to experience all God's creatures of bite and snarl, if you catch my
"Nothing like a
heart-tugging ending, but you can't call it a jungle any more, Mudrock. That's
politically incorrect. It's a 'rain forest' now."
"Jungle was good
enough for Tarzan. Jungle's good enough for me."
I saw we were getting
wide of the mark, so I thought I'd just throw my problem at
"So, what about this
global warming, Mudrock?"
"Next best thing
there is to global coolin'."
"Earth ain't ever
stayin' one temperature, Lar. Place has been colder than a well digger's butt
sometimes an' hotter than the hubs of hell others. For one thing, you got to
look at what them scientists call cycles. Why do you think we're standin' here
on good old dirt instead of a couple thousan' feet of
"Yep. Whole place
warmed up a while back an' melted the glaciers which had iced things up worse
than the insides of your old freezer. Happened more'n once, too. Ain't likely
man was responsible for all of that, seein' as how we weren't aroun' for a lot
"Might do some good
to check out what the sun's been doin' too. Strikes me that if'n it's been
workin' a bit harder, we might be catchin' some of that extra heat too. Been
known to happen."
"But Al Gore says the
debate's over and we're the bad guys."
"Only time most folks
say the debate's over is when they're scared the other side's arguments are
'bout to catch fire."
"But what about all
the scientists Al quotes?"
"You need to get out
off that Cabela's website an' read up a bit more. Do that an' I'd bet that even
you could find jus' as many who say otherwise."
I let him go
"Be nice to lissen to
a real debate on this one, but it's gonna be hard to get a good one goin'. It's
got too political. Tell you what really gets me, though. It's when the folks
tellin' me I gotta do all of this an' that to stop pollutin' run aroun' in jets
an' limousines an' burn through electricity like boozehounds go through beer.
Makes me wonder if somethin' else's goin' on."
"So you don't think
we need to do anything?"
"Didn't say that at
all, Lar. Way past time this country stopped usin' oil by the boatload. Probably
do us a world of good to get into that solar power an' wind stuff,
"Got a bit of a
problem there, Mudrock."
"Some of the best
places they've found to put wind powered generators might end up blocking
certain people's views and they're not having any of it. They've hauled up the
'Not in my backyard flag' and that was the end of
"So you're a bit
skeptical of all of the doom and gloom Al Gore's talking
"Does a rockin' horse
have wooden ears? Best remember that it wasn't all that long ago that they was
tellin' us about the how the Earth was goin' to ice up again. Now quiet down an'
let me finish my book."
Larry Simoneaux lives
in Edmonds. Comments can be sent to larrysim@att.
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